Fuck playing small
Shyness… The so called “curse” for many people. Do you we need to make it a big deal? Does it need to stop us doing what we want, meeting who we want or saying what we want to express?
The fact is, shyness has been created because of what happened to you as a child, you may of been mothered and smothered too much, you may of been put down by the people closest to you, which can then lead you to limiting beliefs such as – ‘I’m not worthy to be heard’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I don’t want to upset anyone, so I won’t assert myself’ and many more..
Shyness has been created in you through situations in your lives where you have been made to feel inadequate. After a while shy people start to believe they are inadequate and stay in their shells where it’s safe and where they think no one can judge them.
The fact is we don’t have to believe in these limiting beliefs, we don’t have to accept them as they are.
If we are shy, we now have to take RESPONSIBILITY for our beliefs, we have to have the COURAGE to open our hearts.
I have comprised a list of 10 things you can do to eliminate shyness from your life. I’m not saying it will be easy, but everyday make baby steps toward inner change, and your ability to open your heart and be vulnerable.
1. Talk to everyone you encounter – Even if it is just a ‘Hello’. Making conversation or just greeting someone whenever you can is a great way to start being less shy. Set yourself a challenge to smile and say hello to as many people as you can.
2. Make eye contact with people whenever you can – Hold it for a little bit longer then you normally would. Try to get them to look away first if you can. Eye contact can be a sign of confidence in a person, be the one who keeps the eye contact and feel your strength grow.
3. Put yourself in situations where you have to be social – Whenever anyone asks you to go out for a social, make sure you say yes to every opportunity you can. The more you are out and about in social situations the more practice you can get in making conversations, and speaking up. Remember if you feel something is worth saying, then it is definitely worth saying, don’t doubt yourself, just enjoy yourself and express from your heart.
4. Be Vulnerable and step out of your comfort zone – Go do something you have never done before. Something that brings a little anxiety up at the thought of it. Public speaking, joining a new sports team, going for an interview, starting a new sport or disclipine etc.. what ever it is, go do that. And keep doing new “scary” things where you can become vulnerable.
5. Go express genuine compliments to the opposite sex – We need to move into our hearts and learn to give, so there is no such thing as “rejection”, give yourself as a genuine gift and you cannot be rejected. Simply when you are out, give compliments to people you find attractive in anyway, then simply walk away without needing anything back.
6. Start exercising, or a sport where you can achieve more from yourself. – Starting to exercise, or a new sport is incredibly beneficial for you feeling better about yourself, and upping your self esteem. The feeling you get from achieving new things, and getting stronger, fitter etc.. is great. You will feel steadliy more confident in yourself as you progress more and more.
7. Release your attachment to outcomes – I have written an article on this so read it here if you wish. But attaching yourself to an outcome means that you want something from an interaction or whatever else it is, and if you don’t get it you will feel bad, and it will hurt your self esteem. Releasing your attachment to outcomes means you are happy now, and you will still be happy no matter what the outcome is. You are not outcome dependent.
8. Realise we are all human beings – Realising that we are all human beings, and we all feel fear, and we all have comfort zones makes you realise that everyone who ever achieved anything worthwhile had to constantly push through fears. They are no different to you. They just moved forward anyway even if it was scary for them to do so. You are not alone in your fears. Stop feeling so isolated.
9. Don’t look to others to believe in you – Believe in yourself, and stop looking to others for approval. Approve yourself, you are worthy of all that you want. Believe you can do what you want, believe you can achieve more. Don’t wait for people to tell you you can. They are caught up in their own worries, and insecurities. Believe in yourself.
10. Listen to your inner child, and “be there” – When we feel insecure, closed off, or shy, it is our inner child speaking to us from our previous experiences that have created our limiting beliefs, we need to be there for our inner child when this happens, so stop and listen, be the adult for your inner child and give yourself some love, recognising where these feelings are coming from and creating new beliefs.
If you want to eliminate shyness from your life because you know your shyness is holding you back then take action right now! Every new day is an opportunity to step up and face the world you live in. Make a change and go after all that you want.
Don’t waste another day held back by fear and shyness. Believe you can do all you ever wanted.
But it doesn’t stop there, as humans we consistently need to move out of comfort zones, and experience new exciting challenges to develop ourselves.
Keep moving forward, and you will be amazed at the change you will create in yourself, and the new opportunities coming your way.
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