As messed up and pessimistic as it may sound, nice guys and girls get walked all over.
This is a difficult one to understand, but although we appreciate and enjoy people being overly nice to us, it often leads to that nice person losing respect, being taken advantage of and finally getting f**ked over. It’s a strange world we live in, where being nice isn’t enough.
If you have ever seen the film ‘Me, Myself and Irene’ you’ll know what I’m talking about – In the film the main character called Charlie, acted as by Jim Carrey is a typical nice guy, always trying to please others, never offending anyone; he keeps a fake smile at all times. People take advantage of him all the time until one day he cracks and becomes “Hank” a brand new extreme personality who does what he wants and doesn’t take shit from anyone.
In the movie Hank is the opposite of a nice guy ,he doesn’t care about anyone and does what he wants to do no matter the consequences. (This of course isn’t a good thing). Fictional movie or not this is what happens to people who are overly nice all their lives. After keeping it up for a long time you finally break and end up not being very nice at all. After an emotional explosion, you become a “Hank”, although not as extreme of course. Being taking advantage of takes its toll. Even on the “nicest” of people!
Being a “nice” guy or girl often means being nice to get something back, unconsciously or consciously this is nearly always the case.
If someone is angry with you, you try to win them over by being nice or pleasing. If a person is someone you want to impress you try hard to be nice so you can be liked and not offend that person.
If there is someone you find attractive you end up trying too hard with gifts, smothering and neediness trying to keep in their good books so you can either get them to have sex with you, or stay in your life that little bit longer.
All of these things are being nice for the sake of getting something back, whether it’s being seen as impressive, wanting someone to not be angry or upset with you so they like you again. Trying to get them to do something for you in return, or to get sex from someone you find attractive – ‘If I am nice to this person and they don’t get offended maybe something could happen between us, if I buy him or her dinner and gifts maybe they’ll like me!!’.
These nice guy/girl traits end up in resentment, unhappiness, low self-respect and are often driven by a lack of self-love!
Ever been too nice, thinking you are doing nothing but good? Ever been taken advantage of? How about when you wanted to be liked but ended up losing respect from the people around you? Have you tried to be nice or changing yourself just to be liked? Do you fear people disliking you in any way? Do you worry about offending people by possibly saying the wrong things? Do you try hard to make things right, and try to control another persons emotions?
This niceness equals neediness; being nice leads to losing respect from others and from yourself, it leads to people taking advantage of you, it leads to not getting what you want and it leads to people stepping all over you while you’re trying to keep in their good books and not get hurt.
Now I bet you’re starting to think – ‘George, if no one is nice are we all going to be assholes going around only caring about ourselves and living selfish lives, treading on others as we go? How will we show we like other people? How can we make the world a better place if we aren’t being nice? How will we care for others?’
The answer to that is KINDNESS.
Kindness is completely different from being nice – kindness is GIVING without needing anything in return. It is giving from an abundant mindset; it is being content as you are and loving yourself enough to be able to give completely without needing anything in return.
You’ll often find that nice people find it hard to accept gifts from other people because they don’t feel they deserve it. You have to allow yourself to accept a gift without feeling guilty about it. You of course want to care for other people and give because you care, I understand – but you can also accept gifts back. It’s absolutely fine, do not feel guilty about it, people won’t hate you for it.
Being a kind person is having self respect; it’s being a strong man or woman who is comfortable with who you are and allowing yourself to love fully, first and foremost yourself then spreading that love to everyone else.
It is being someone who lives in abundance because they are whole and content with who they are and what they have. You can give because of that abundance. Not the neediness that comes from feeling like you are lacking something; wanting more to feel fulfilled and happy.
Go for what you want shamelessly, but be kind.
Don’t try to impress people, or worry whether they like you or not, stop trying hard not to offend anyone – but be kind.
Live to your own expectations not others – but be kind.
Don’t treat people like time bombs ready to go off, be authentic – but be kind.
Don’t try too hard to not be selfish, sometimes you need to do things for you– but be kind.
Love yourself first, so you can accept gifts from others, and give your love fully – Be kind.
Give without NEEDING anything in return. That is KIND.
Don’t do things because you feel you have to, do it because you want to do it – be kind!
Be KIND, not nice.