Why are our relationships breaking apart? Why are people being left heartbroken because of the people they allow into their hearts? Why is there so much destruction in relationships rather than fulfillment and joy?
This is a question I've been mulling over for the past 10 years, seriously.. For years I've been wondering what's been fuelling these destructive cycles that relationships seem to go through..
And you know what I came up with??
We simply don't know what we want!
We are clueless to such a simple question, what do we want? Without this question how can we possibly commit ourselves fully to each relationship that we are in?
I always ask myself how I want my relationships to look… And you know what, for a long time I didn't enter into a long term commitment to anyone, purely because I kept those questions at the forefront of my mind.
I can say now without hesitation that my relationship with my partner right now is amazing, it's fulfilling, it's empowering for both of us, it's joyful… Because we both really want it, we are both fully there and we both fully know it.
I made a vision when I first met her and I've kept that vision the whole time, whenever it goes off track I'm right there pulling it back to the vision I made, it takes honesty, it takes courage and it takes vulnerability, but it's so worth it.
Whether the relationship lasts 10 days or 10 years we need to ask ourselves the following questions before entering a relationship and continuously throughout it.
This is how we create a fulfilling partnership.
- How do I want this relationship to look and feel?
- What's my vision? How do I visualise this relationship?
- How do I envision my partner being? (Are they right for me?) How do I envision me being with my partner? (What are my actions, values and beliefs).
- What does a fulfilling partnership look like to me?
These questions are so simple, yet can change the course of our relationships for ever..
It's so powerful to know what we really want, our true heart's desire.
These questions will align us with exactly what we would actually like to add to our lives, mindfully chosen, without stumbling into a relationship, because “well you know it's there, it's available and I don't want to be lonely any more”.
What do I really want my relationship to look like?
What do I really want?
I always wanted a woman to be a bonus to my life, someone who adds something beautiful and empowering to my life, someone who shares my values..
And you know what, I felt very abundant in this way of thinking, I felt like I'm absolutely fine as I am, seemingly alone… I feel good and if anyone comes into my life they best be an incredible addition, a fuck yes in my life!
The fact is the fundamental problem within any relationship is that no one is asking these questions and even if they did, they probably wouldn't follow the truth, because you know what? It takes courage to end a relationship when things aren't aligning with our vision…or even if we don't need or want to end it, to state what we really want to our partners with powerful honesty.. It takes courage that most just do not have.
But this courage changes everything, we can be happy in our relationships, we don't have to put up with anything less than the best..
We get one life… One life! Let's not waste it in mediocre relationships that sap both ours and our partners energy.. Let's stop this destructive cycle by being powerfully honest about what we want, every single day of our lives.
Here's my invitation to you, homework if you like:
I want you to ask yourself the questions above, all four of them, sit alone, take a moment and sit in contemplation of these questions.
Listen to your heart's desire, listen to your heart intuition.. And see what it tells you, write it all out on paper.
This is the first stage, the most simple stage, yet so important to your life.
Take as long as you need to sit in these questions, really visualise what it is you want your relationships to look like..
This is a powerful step in creating fulfilling partnerships.
Do not skip this step, do not half heart it, it needs your complete attention.
Give it your all on this first time.. After that it becomes easier to keep in line with our vision.
The next article will be awaiting you tomorrow, so stay tuned and check back in for part two.
All the best,