This week we will be covering Honesty & Authenticity, a HUGE subject which I could talk about for hours and hours.
Honesty and authenticity is a cornerstone of any partnership, without it love can't flow between us, it is blocked, because we haven't yet gone deep enough beyond all the layers to the innermost core of each other's being. A lot of the time our relationships are very surface level, so yet we are together we still feel very much alone. Being authentic and showing our real selves to the world and our partners is really allowing ourselves to drop our fears and drop our guards, becoming vulnerable yet completely powerful and strong in ourselves because we have nothing to hide.
Here's a quote from Osho that explains the power that authenticity has on creating a fulfilling partnership, one that is both beautiful and rare to see in this world.
“When two lovers are really open to each other, when they are not afraid of each other and not hiding anything from each other, that is intimacy. When they can say each and everything without any fear that the other will be offended or hurt…. If the lover thinks the other will be offended, then the intimacy is not deep enough yet. Then it is a kind of arrangement, which can be broken by anything. But when two lovers start feeling that there is nothing to hide and everything can be said, and the trust has come to such a depth where even if you don't say it the other is going to know, then they start becoming one.”
So this week we are going to go very in-depth into the role that authenticity has in our relationships, I'll say it again, to be a truly authentic person in this world is a beautiful thing, for it is a rare attribute that not many have.
We hide so much and give so little, this week will be all about letting go, becoming vulnerable and completely exposing our real self to the world.
Knowing ourselves…… What does it mean to know ourselves?
There is a term thrown around a lot and it's the term ‘be yourself’, it sounds good right, be yourself, be you, be who you are?
It's used a lot in any scenario where we may feel uncomfortable and someone tries to comfort us, "just be yourself, you'll be fine". I'm sure you’ve heard it before.
The problem is we are often trying to be one version of ourselves, normally our absolute best self in these uncomfortable situations, we try so hard to be our best self that we forget that we don't always feel our best self. As human beings, we are ever-changing and have a multitude of different feelings at any given time.
Part of speaking our truth is to be okay with these ever-changing feelings or versions of ourselves.
It is to be able to become aware and okay with these feelings and when we feel necessary speak that truth to the world.
Knowing ourselves to me is a much more fitting phrase, to know ourselves is self-awareness, to become self-aware is to relax into who we are.
Do we feel nervous?
Do we feel loved?
Do we feel loving?
Do we feel excited?
Do we feel sad?
Do we feel anxious?
Do we feel fear?
Do we feel happy?
Do we feel energetic and joyful?
The list goes on and on, but knowing ourselves is where we can truly step into our authenticity and allow ourselves to live with awareness of our spontaneously ever-changing feelings.
And we can be OKAY with that, we can be okay with all our feelings and of course we can take action on these feelings also.
I guess the next question is:
Where does this come into play in our relationship?
Well, it's having the courage to truly know ourselves and speak that truth to our partners in whatever form that takes.
It takes courage to speak our feelings, even to the ones that love us the most. We feel that sometimes the way we feel may come across ridiculous, silly and we may be judged negatively for it.
But our partners are the people that we can fully open our authenticity to, if we can't do it with them then who can we do it with? How can we ever truly know each other, each and everyday without true authenticity and day-to-day feelings.
So there are two steps to this:
- Increasing our self-awareness (knowing ourselves) moving into our feeling heart and checking in with ourselves.
- Speaking when we FEEL it is necessary, our absolute truth to our partners.
It is incredibly freeing and powerful to speak our truth to our partners no matter how ridiculous that truth may seem, it is truly something that needs to be experienced to understand fully so please have the courage to have a go.
Boundaries and what we value:
We also of course need boundaries and values in our relationships, I've spoken about this in week one where we asked ourselves what is it we truly want and how do we envision the relationship, if you missed that than you can read that here Part 1 & Part 2.
Lets look at the role that boundaries and values has in creating day-to-day authenticity.
Speaking our truth when it comes to boundaries is creating respect and strengthening the bond we have as partners.
There is no need to ever feel like we will offend our partners with our truth, for it is our truth and we are completely welcome to speak it, in fact it should be spoken no matter what the cost, otherwise we are living a lie, otherwise we are suppressing our true thoughts and feelings just to make someone else feel comfortable around us.
What are your boundaries? When does someone overstep the mark? Start speaking it, have the courage to say it.
I'll give you an example from my own experience.
One of my boundaries is to not be treated in an automatic, habitual and familiar way by my partner, it is a truth I have spoken because one of my values is that in a relationship I believe that we should be seen with a fresh light each and every moment and be appreciated as if it's the last time we see each other which to me is a great practice.
So if I am treated in a familiar way (negatively or automatically without much thought or feeling) then I make sure that she knows that boundary has been stepped over and I'm not okay with that treatment.
Sound silly? Well, it doesn't matter, it's my truth, some may not care at all about this particular example, but it's my truth.
Each person has their own, so…… What are your boundaries? What do you value most? Are you and your partner living by these boundaries and values?
Are you trying hard not to offend each other at the cost of your authenticity?
Today I want to give you a little bit of homework, I want you to experience this fully straight away.
In normal fashion here's my invitation to you:
Write out your values, what do you value the most and what are your boundaries in any relationship you have, it doesn't just have to be your intimate partnership.
Practice speaking some truths throughout the week about how you're feeling to your partner, watch the process of speaking that truth, does it feel uncomfortable? Do you feel a sense of freedom? Watch it all and see for yourself.
Let me as you a question:
Was this article of value to you and your life?
If you answered yes, please share it in anyway you would like, you never know who's life you may change.