Judging is an interesting topic, everyone seems to do it, we judge everything.. the programmes and films we watch, the books we read, the people we see in the streets, the people we know and love. Let's face it, it certainly does have its place in the world, because without it we don't know what suits us, or what we actually like, judging is a great way to see what fits to what we value most in our lives.
But…. Judging can also be a very fear based activity. Judging has the ability to make others feel uncomfortable around us and it also has the ability to make us feel uncomfortable around other people.
I think it's a well-known fact that the fear of the opinions of others is way up there in the top ten fears human beings have that hold them back.
Lots of people don't even have a go at new activities they want to try or say the things they want to say all because of the fear of being judged, not just judged but judged negatively.
As human beings we can be very judgmental to people we don't even know.
I know myself that people watching is one of my favourite things to do in a city or any area, I'm simply fascinated and captivated by people going about their lives and the more I do it the more I become aware of how many negative judgments actually come up in my thoughts.
I'm often judging them for things like being overweight, too muscular, too skinny, wearing certain clothes, being really attractive and even speaking a certain way, it all comes up.
I've said this before: Most people judge others….. But do we want to be most people?
I honestly feel the more I judge others negatively or even positively the more separation I create between me and those people.
Judging is with our thoughts in our minds, it's very rarely a feeling. That means we are in our head, stuck in our own minds, being in our head creates fear based mindsets, being in our head means we can't feel others on a heart based level.
When we come from our minds, we go by how they look or sound rather than who they are underneath all of their physicality, we judge others to make ourselves feel high and mighty, we judge others because deep down we want to feel better than them in some way, we want to feel superior.
Others can feel when we are in our heads and not our hearts, they can feel the two different energies radiating from us, one is a weak energy (the mind) and the second is a strong, powerful energy (our hearts).
When we our in our hearts we give…. We give appreciation, we want to learn about others, we want to allow them to feel desired and wanted in our presence, we smile, we embrace, we speak cheery “hellos” and “have a good days”.
When we are in our heads, we stare at the ground if they look our way, we grimace rather than smile and we grunt something in their direction if they say hello to us. In fact we often think we are better than them, so they aren't worth our time, or because we've created so much separation because of judgement, we actually fear talking or interacting with other people because we don't want to be rejected or judged in any way
........Just like we do to them....
This mindset is so subtle that a lot of us won't even realise it, we don't realise the effect judging others has on our subconscious.
Let's think about it, what does judging others create in our subconscious?
- If I judge others, they must judge me too.
- I'm better than others in some way.
- They wouldn't be someone I get on with, they wouldn't be worth my time.
- He or she makes me scared to go talk to them because they are attractive and probably think they are too good for me so I may be rejected.
- I'm scared to have a go at this sport because that person is really good and I might be judged for being a beginner.
- I don't feel comfortable in social situations because everyone is uptight, insecure and wouldn't want to talk to me.
- I can't become vulnerable and open up because I will be judged for who I really am.
Let's think about the subconscious effect again, this time being someone who doesn't judge:
- We are all equal and connected.
- Looks create attraction specific to us, but good looks are everywhere, is there something more to this person, I want to find out.
- I feel I can open up as I allow others to do that with me.
- I can make mistakes and have a go at sports or activities because we are all human beings whether someone has excelled at their activity or not, in fact I would like to learn from others who are better.
- I would like to allow others to feel comfortable around me in social situations, I'm going to learn about others and help bring a smile to their day.
- I love my partner and would love nothing more than to delve deep into their heart and soul and connect on a deep level.
The last one brings me onto the next part of the article:
Allowing our partner to open into vulnerability with US.
In our relationships, to have a fulfilling partnership we must be able to be fully vulnerable with each other, we must be able to expose our innermost core, the real us.
It is our responsibility to allow our partner to surrender themselves to us, so ask yourself this:
When do I feel most comfortable opening my heart and feelings to someone else?
For me it is quite obviously when I feel in my heart that I'm not going to be judged, it is a feeling, not a knowing, but it's strong enough to be sure I won't be.
In this world we have to be the ones that lead by action, so in this case we have to be the ones to step up and have the courage to practice non-judgment, if people start opening up to us, we know we are on the right track, people can feel on a subconscious level whether we will judge them or not.
Especially our partners, we have to take action with the love we have for them and want to learn about them, to be hugely curious about them.
Allow them the space to dissolve into you and have the courage to do the same.
Forget trying to control through judgement.
Surrender into life.
If you missed Part One than you can read it Here
Did you find this article of value? Did it inspire you to think and feel in different ways?
If so I would like to invite you to share it with whoever you can, it's as simple as a couple of clicks on social media, you never know who's life you could change.
Much love, George.