Good day to you.
So I wanted to talk about a recurring issue that seems to happen in a lot of long term relationships, the issue is this:
There is a distinct lack of sexual desire and passion between each other in our long-term partnerships.
Anyone in a fulfilling partnership knows that sex isn't the be and end all of our love for each other, but sexual desire and passion plays a huge part in having a fulfilling partnership none the less.
There are many facets in dealing with this issue as there are so many reasons why someone may develop a low sex drive, ranging from psychological health to physical health.
I'm going to talk through things that I know can create desire and passion in our relationship, I'm going to explain how we can re-create desire and passion in our relationship no matter how long we have been together, it's all a choice.
I keep coming back to this word:
It plays such a big part in every part of our lives, we have the choice to create whatever we want in our relationships and in our lives and desire and passion is no exception.
I've heard a lot of stories of couples having issues with their partner completely losing any sexual desires, they come home from work and slump in front of the television barely even mustering the desire to kiss and hug their partner, I've heard a lot about men and women instigating sex and having their partner be completely disinterested to the point of them completely avoiding and ignoring them.
I mean wow that's quite sad to hear really, not because we should always be up for sex anytime our partner wants it, that's not realistic, sometimes we just don't feel sexy, sometimes we feel ill or tired, sometimes we just don't feel it at all.
But whether we feel up for having sex or not, whether we feel great or not, sexual desire and passion for each other can still be in our spirits, just like childlike play and humour can.
To make our partners feel desired and to feel a sexual spark between us even if we are not feeling sex right at that moment still feels amazing and it keeps the spark alive.
To speak our desires without a need for an outcome creates attraction because it reconnects us with what we find attractive in our partners, it sets the stage bit by bit for when we do have sex as it raises our desire for each other and it's so much fun!
This week I want to give you:
10 ways we can spark desire and passion in our relationships:
Express our sexual desire.
Whenever we get the chance express our desires for our partner, even if we aren't feeling like having sex that day or in that moment, we can still have fun with it and express our desires for our partner. Get creative and start expressing in anyway you can, tell them things you normally wouldn't say, say some ‘taboo’ words that really spark an awakening of surprise in their brains! Just have fun with expressing yourself sexually.
2. Make our partner feel attractive.
How can we make our partners feel attractive? Here's a list of ideas:
Love them fearlessly.
Serve them from a giving heart with no agenda whatsoever.
Tell them what you love about their body.
Tell them what you love about their character and soul.
Tell them what you love them doing to you in the bedroom.
Compliment them from the heart whenever you feel like it.
3. Kiss, hug and touch as much as possible.
I don't really need to explain this one, but connect physically whenever possible and with love and feeling.
Don't settle for half assed pecks on the cheek and lips.
Bring some feeling to your kisses and hugs, and touch each other in different ways throughout the day.
4. Practice things that help you connect.
Connecting on a deep level without sex is powerful in creating desire and passion.
I highly recommend learning about tantra, tantra is great for building presence between us and our partners and synchronising our bodies and brains to connect on a deeper level. There are practices we can do such as eye gazing and touching that are all about connecting on a soul level, talk with your partner and express how you would like to try different things and take them through the experience.
Try showering or bathing together and washing each other's bodies, have fun and play, when it comes to a bath create a space together with candle light and music where you can completely relax into each other.
Massaging is great for desire, spend time massaging each other and relaxing your muscles.
5. Add childlike play and fun.
Desire and passion doesn't have to be serious, so let's go back to that child like fun and play, make it fun, tease each other, play fight, do whatever it takes to lighten up and laugh about it all.
6. Never judge your partner or criticise them about sex.
It is very easy to feel a lot of pressure around sex, many men and women have anxiety about whether they can please their partners in bed, so each of us has to have empathy and compassion for this. We must allow our partner to feel comfortable around us and to never feel judged negatively for anything they do sexually.
Of course if you need to be honest about something you don't like or about what you would prefer, of course speak that truth, but don't do it in a way that puts your partner down. Bring them up with something you love about what they do then gently tell them what you would prefer they did.
If we feel uncomfortable about the idea of sex because we feel we will be judged negatively then our sexual desire will drop through the very fact that it loses it's fun, it turns into a chore of not f*cking up.
We need to learn to enjoy the process together and learn together as we go along.
Take responsibility and allow your partner to feel comfortable when having sex.
7. Exercise more and eat healthily.
Practicing self-love is big in building our sexual desires, if we feel good about ourselves then we feel more sexually charged, if we are healthier then we will have a higher sex drive.
So eat healthily and look after yourself, allow yourself to eat foods that serve you in the best way possible.
Exercise so you feel energised, so your body is fit and strong and so you feel physically attractive and comfortable in your skin.
8. (Men) stop watching porn and mastubating mindlessly.
A lot of men watch porn, they watch porn a lot and they mastubate a lot... I'm sure many women do too but the difference in it is this. Each time a man ejaculates he loses sexual energy, his seed carries so much life force in it and each time it's dispersed he loses vitality, sex energy and his testosterone levels drop. All of this feeds his sexual desires for real life women.
Secondly porn creates unrealistic expectations on how women should look (most porn stars are made to look like they have no normal imperfections of life) and it also creates ridiculous expectations on how long a man should last and how he isn't a man if he can't pump his girls for hours on end with a 10 plus inch penis.
Whether consciously or not, we take on these expectations and we start being more attracted to a computer screen than our actual real life partner.
So save your seed for your partner, save it for actual fulfilling sex and you'll see your sex drive ramp up to new levels.
9. Stop working so hard (relax more).
So many people are so stressed, they are overworked and don't allow themselves time for rest and recovery.
Our life energy is being drained from us, because of all the things ‘we have to do’ in our day to day life.
We rush from one thing to another making sure there is no time wasted and all our to do list is covered each day, we work late in the office and we distract ourselves with television when we get home and wake up the next day and do it all over again, so there is no real restorative time in our day to day.
We must take the time to relax, to restore and recover from all the hard work that takes over our lives.
Other wise we burn out and we have no desire for anything each day but to veg out with junk food and a good movie.
If we feel rested and relaxed, our sexual desires will comes forth.
So chill out!
Talk about sex.
That's right, it might be uncomfortable if you're not used to it but have the courage to talk about it, talk about all the things you do and don't like, talk about your desires, talk about what turns you both on..
Talk about your fears, insecurities and worries around sex.
Talk about all the things you love about sex.
Talk about it all, get passionate about it and get super comfortable with each other and turn sex into a joyful, loving experience.
Because that exactly what it's meant to be.
We need to recognise that if our partner has lost their sex drive and desire, then we can be the one to awaken it bit by bit, and if we love them, we will put the effort in right?
At first we may not get the response we would like, but speaking our desire doesn't need an outcome, we simply embody it in our spirit and then speak it at any chance we get in a multitude of ways.
And you know what? If your partner has no willingness to grow in that area and create the spark of attraction between you, then are they worth your time? If they aren't willing to embody desire and passion into their everyday for the both of you to blossom then why put up with it?
Sometimes our partners need a good kick up the ass to get them into action.
Be honest with them and tell them what is bothering you.
If they don't care, well, I'm sorry but maybe they aren't for you, why would you want that? If they really love you, they'll make a solid effort to make the change to allow your partnership to grow.
I would love to invite you to share this article, a few clicks here and there and you never know who's relationship and life you could change.. You'll be surprised.
With love, George.